No, really What IS Hiei?
by Intra
Summary: A humor ficcy, just plain silliness. Rated R for language, and the fact that one of the main characters is a dead camera-man. O.o;; Beware the funny! r4r!


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No, really. What IS Hiei?

A fic thingy by: Duo

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters mentioned in this fanfic. Or Gundam Wing. Though they are only briefly mentioned. Feh. 

Quick a/n: I wrote this fic in this format because: (a) I'm lazy and (b) it's just plain fun.

-Camera shot moving in on scary, ominous building thing-

Voice: Today, we have been invited to the BWARBEN (Building With A Really Big Eccentric Name) Science study place thing to observe people doing stuff! 

Audience?: Oooooooo, ahhhhhh, special.

-camera person is now inside BWARBEN science study place thing-

Scientist: -walks up, twitching nervously- Uhm...3r...j0!

Voice: j0? Cameraperson, what is he trying to say?

  
Camera person: -is apparently mute and/or dead, therefore does not answer-

Scientist: \/\/h4t 4r3 j00 t41k!ng 4b00t? 

Voice: MY GODS! He's speaking l33t!....wait a minute, isn't that used in MegaTokyo? SOMEONE CHECK THE COPYRIGHT!

Scientist: -g!ggl3-

Voice: O.O He even GIGGLES in l33t! 

Scientist2: Sorry about that, Ferdinand's brain appears to have been eaten a while ago, apparently by the lab rats and monkeys. I shall be your guide from now on. Call me...Harden Long. Or Scientist of the gods.

Voice: Tehe

Scientist 2: What? What is it?

Voice: Nothing. Continue, please!

Ferdinand: -skips away whistling "Special Fred"-

Scientist: Alright. This way, please!

-the camera shot follows the scientist down a long and twisty path, and they arrive in a small white room-

Scientist: This is the observing room..thinger. Lookit! Seeee? We have two-way mirrors and EVERYTHING!

-camera shot moves closer to 2-way mirror, and through it you can see a bright...pink...room O.o; with a small person inside, seemingly unconscious-

Scientist: That -points to person- Is our test subject!

Voice: What are you testing, exactly?

Scientist:.......-blinks-.......

Camera man: -decomposes slowly-

Scientist: Oh, RIGHT! Well see, no one actually knows WHAT he is. I mean, SURE, they SAY he's a fire demon capable of destroying the whole world easily, but where's the proof?!

-camera shot pans over to a large pile of bodies near the door to the pink room-

Scientist: Er, well, you see....He strangled them with their stethoscopes before we were able to subdue him, but they should be fine soon. -twitches-

-camera shot zooms in on a puddle of blood slowly growing on the floor-

Scientist: Moving right along....we shall now begin testing! Safety goggles on! 

-sequined heart-shaped sunglasses fall from the ceiling-

Voice:.....Seriously, what the fuck?

Scientist: -_- This is the only thing I find amusing anymore. NOW PUT THEM ON! See, look at your camera man! He's being a real sport!

Camera Man: -decomposes some more, as glasses sit on his face-

Voice: You put them there.

Scientist: DID not!

Voice: -_-;;; Let's get on with this

Scientist: I WIN! Alright! 

Voice: -coughs-

Scientist: First test: Throw pointy stuff at it!

Voice: EXCUSE me? What the hell kinda test is that?

Scientist: A very scientificcy scientific like one that you in a million years will never figure out because you're not a scientist like me! Now sit down and shut up!

Camera Man: -rots-

Voice: Alright, alright.

-A big cannony thing pops out of the wall in the pink room, and starts shooting mechanical pencils at the figure-

Figure: -is hit with a pencil- INJUSTICE! WHAT SCOURGE IS THIS?

Camera Man: -spooky dead-and-rotting voice- Bewaaaaare....yoooooo haaarve awarkenedededed the Hiiiiiiieiiiii monster!

Scientist and Voice: -edge away-

Camera Man: -goes back to rotting quietly-

Voice: Riiiiight....so now..OH MY GODS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! -points at 2-way mirror-

Scientist: -_- I told you already that's- OH LORD!

-camera shot pans to window where Hiei is glaring angrily-

Voice: I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS A TWO WAY MIRROR?!

Scientist: THAT'S WHAT THE CANADIAN MAN SAID!

Voice: YOU FOOL! YOU SHOULDN'T TRUST CANADIANS!* They say ABOOT for the god's sakes!

Hiei: -keeps glaring, pencils sticking out of his head- Let...me...OUT.

Scientist: IT SPEAKS! I tremble!

Voice: AIA!!! KILL IT!!

Scientist: TEST TWO! THROW FLUFFY STUFF AT IT WHILE PLAYING THE TELETUBBIES THEME SONG!

-teddy bears fall from ceiling, song plays-

Hiei: -eyes widen, and he backs away from the window- THE CUTENESS! It is too much! My brain! IT BURNS!!! AIIIIIIIIIIIA!!! -runs around wildly, waving his arms and screaming-

  
Scientist: IT WORKS! And from this test, we have concluded, the subject is blatantly male!

Voice: O.o I could have told you that

Scientist: HUSH AND BE STILL! You have no knowledge of such things! You are a mere reporter dude, whilst I am a SCIENTISTY GUY!

Voice: oooookies.

-THUMP-

Scientist and Voice: -hug each other and shriek-

Voice: HE'S ALIVE!!!

Hiei: -is somehow glomped onto the window, glaring furiously with a demented grin on his face, shreds of teddy bears and cuddle wombats stuck to his teeth- I'm baaaack!

Both: SHRIEK!

Scientist: This is worse than I thought! I must cease the experiments and bring in the one thing that can destroy any man!

-pause-

Voice:......which would be....?

Scientist: I'M TRYING TO BE DRAMATIC!

-window cracks-

Scientist: AUGH! Screw dramatics! RELEASE THE RELENA!!!! -slams fist onto button marked: "Danger, release at own risk! Creature is known to have turned straight men gay with just one look!"-

Voice: GASP! Are you sure?

Scientist: It is the only way! Now, aren't you glad you have the sunglasses on?

Voice: Yes! oh gods, yes! They obscure the view!

Camera Man: -is still dead, still rotting-

-camera shot moves to show the pink room once more, shows Relena entering-

  
Relena: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO! WHERE ARE YOUUUUU?! COME KIIIIILL MEEEEEEEEE!!!

Hiei: O.O! IT'S....IT'S.....HIDEOUS! -starts to claw his own eyes out-

Relena: -spots the Hiei- Oooooh, he's cuuuuuuuuuuute! Heero will never know! -bounces over-

Hiei: GET IT AWAAAAAAAAAY!! MOMMMEEEE!!! .

Relena: Hey, WOW! How lucky am I! Another violent, possibly abusive man to try and seduce by squealing loudly and giving him many opportunities to kill me! What fun!

Hiei: No, stay away!

Relena: -glomps him-

Voice: -shudders- That poor, poor demon!

Scientist: Well, we actually don't know WHAT he i-...

Voice: -death glare-

Scientist: Demon, right. Yes. All we can do now though, is hope. . -crosses fingers-

Hiei: THERE'S A RELENA ON ME!! GET IT OFF GETITOFFGETITOFF!!! -runs around in chibi form, flailing arms-

Relena: BUT YOU LOOOOOVE ME!!!!

  
Hiei: -not-so-spontaneously-spontaneously-combusts-

Relena: MY UGLY DRESS IS ON FIRE!

Hiei: MUAHAHA!

Relena: . IT HURTS AND STINGS! -explodes for no apparent reason-

  
Hiei: VICTORY! -punches fist in air then falls-

Voice: He killed it! 

Scientist: Yaysies! ^-^

Voice: Yaysies?

Camera Man: -rots in a way that could be taken as laughing-

Scientist: Shut up -_-

Hiei: -starts to twitch-

Scientist and Voice: GADZOOKS! O.O 

Voice: Holy pigshit, batman! We must go!

Scientist: I shall distract him! -punches button that says "Release the fox! Warning: BISHOUNEN"-

Scientist and Voice: WE FLEE!

Camera Man: -rots-

-camera shot is still there for some reason, and is now showing Hiei, twitching-

Hiei: X.x mrph!

Kurama: -falls out of the ceiling and lands on Hiei-

Hiei: AIA! I DIE!

Kurama: ^-^ FWEH!

-BWARBEN science study place thinger Self Destruct mode activates for no reason-

Kurama: O.O! We will surely perish unless we escape! Come, midget man! WE FLEE! -grabs Hiei's ankle and runs for the window that mysteriously appears in the wall of the pink room-

Hiei: -bounces against the ground-

Kurama: I, AS AN EDUCATOR, SAY: LET'S LIMBO! -jumps through the window- BURN RUBBER, DUO-DIAH! We run! -jumps in a car driven by the Gundam pilots, and they drive away into the sunset-

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*: My cousin's Canadian. And we can all tell you, yes they are scary, and often dangerous. They CAN be cool though. Like, when they save you from being attacked by a moose. 

A/N: o.o......-shrugs- I dunno either. _


End file.
